Apropos to Nothing: The Dichotomy of My Being.

There are two distinct sides of my personality: the cynic who firmly believes that love will never find her and the hopeless romantic who swoons over the thought of sweet nothings, love letters, other halves, soul mates, etc. Generally I side with the cynic. I am picky, nearly impossible to please; dropping men for the way they pronounce words, a face they make, the shine on their skin, their complicated dietary restrictions – the most minute things can prevent my happiness. And yet, that other part of me is always hoping, always searching for my match, my other half, the person who will be perfectly imperfect in my eyes.

I measure coincidences and search for the message the Universe is trying to send me. I read my horoscope {I’m an Aquarius} and match my sign with the sign of each potential mate. I don’t necessarily believe every word that I read, but I enjoy the insight it provides and often times I find that it’s relatively accurate.  My dear friend Avalon Clare turned me on to the Enneagram {I’m a 6} and so recently I’ve been using that for insight also. These things are all relative, and I find myself embarrassed to admit that they are important to me at times, but what’s the point of that? I am a bit superstitious, I am a lover of some mystical things. I make wishes when the numbers on the clock are all the same, I insist that others make wishes when I find a stray eyelash on their cheek, I play games in my head with certain numbers – all of these things are my way to make sense of this crazy world we live in.

Maybe you’re wondering what my point is here, where I’m going with this. The hopeless romantic in me has always wanted to believe in true love, in other halves, in perfect storms; the cynic in me has always shot that all down and guarded me against it. There has been an interesting, and constant, war being waged within my body.

Until now. Now I am wrapped up in that perfect storm. My life has been filled with magical coincidences for the last eleven days and though it feels a little crazy for me to say this, especially in so public a forum, I feel there’s no other option anymore – I’m in love. I am head over heels, life-alteringly in love and I don’t think it will ever stop. It’s important to me to acknowledge how serendipitous my life is right now – though it’s been this way for several months, to be sure – and how it feels as if the Universe has finally put all the pieces of this puzzle of my life within my reach, while gently urging me to piece it together.

You see, my new gentleman {D, for short} and I,  have been circling around each other for many years. We have had a series of near misses, close calls, narrow escapes. The only conclusion that we can both come to based on the information that has been slowly revealing itself to us is that we were never ready before now. It would never have worked like this, never would have blossomed, unfolded, spread before us like this, warm and welcoming and feeling absolutely right. We decided several days after meeting each other that we had no choice in this, we couldn’t do anything but let it happen to us and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Each day one more perfect thing about D, about he and I together, materializes and we look at each other in amazement, big stupid grins filling our faces.

I expect most people to roll their eyes at me. I expect them to say “we’ll see” or “good luck with that,” sarcasm dripping from their mouths – and I can’t blame them. I just hope they’re ready to hear me say “I told you so” in a few years when this is all still unfolding, when I am sitting calmly in the eye of my perfect storm, when I am happily existing with my other half.