I’m expecting to take a lot of flack for what I’m about to say: I have a raging fangirl crush on Zach Galifianakis. I’ve always known it, but watching The Hangover and Bored to Death tonight really solidified it for me. He’s everything I want in a man: chubby, bearded, hilarious – he can do no wrong.

I know pretty much nothing about the dude, except that he reminds me of someone I once knew, and that endears him to me; he’s a fucking stone cold fox {he is honestly 100% my type}; he has a homeless man beard; and he was born in North Carolina, Just Like Me. We’re clearly soul mates.

Zach, if you’re reading, let’s get married. I’m pretty funny, relatively attractive, and I’ll stroke your beard and rub your tummy while you fall asleep. I promise. Think about it.